How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean forgetting, pretending it’s not a big deal, or going back to how things were, but it can bring freedom from the heavy weight of resentment and bitterness.

In this episode of With You in the Weeds, Austin Conner tackles one of life’s hardest commands: forgiving someone who has hurt you. Jesus’ words from the Lord’s Prayer: “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us” sounds good, but it can feel impossible in the face of a painful offense. Just like an infected wound needs to be cleaned out in order to heal, forgiveness is the way our hurts can be purged so that real healing can begin.

Austin explains what forgiveness is not: forgetting the offense, minimizing the hurt, or forcing the relationship back to “normal”. He then walks through a practical four-step process: 

1. Honestly assess and feel your hurt and then evaluate the type of person who has hurt you 
2. Ask the offender if they are willing to hear the impact their actions had on you 
3. Share the story and unload the pain with someone who can support your healing
4. Clearly state your needs and boundaries for the future

Keep in mind that forgiveness isn’t our natural, human response to being hurt. In order to forgive, we will need to be empowered by God’s grace and strength, as well as cultivate a deep trust that one day he will bring justice to all wrongs done to you. The result? Relief from bitterness, the ability to move forward, and a visible sign of God’s kingdom breaking into everyday life.

The process of forgiveness is much easier said than done, which is why we want to encourage and equip you to enter into a process of forgiveness that leads to freedom and hope, one step at a time. 

Want to learn more? Here are more resources on the topic of forgiveness:

The Roots of Bitterness

Managing the Weeds of Forgiveness

Bold Love by Dan Allender

When You’ve Been Wronged: Moving From Bitterness to Forgiveness by Pastor Erwin Lutzer

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